I just want to let people know that this post was mostly fueled by feeling nauseous 24/7 and not feeling any relief. While I no longer feel exactly this way- I want to be straight up and tell it like it is.
8 weeks down, 32 weeks to go.
Baby Jaws is the size of a Kidney Bean, which is very exciting. He's already 1/2 an inch!!
Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I received a really sweet call from my Brother, a card from Mr. Spice and my parents, and flowers from my BIL. All so sweet. But honestly, I felt like a sham.
In a weird and twisted way, I felt like I was being celebrated for having unprotected sex. I know that my super sweet family was welcoming me into a new club, and recognizing that pregnancy is the first step to motherhood, but a sham is still what I felt like.
I am really trying to enjoy pregnancy- like Mr. Spice being uber helpful and supportive- and taking over Huck's evening walks, but I am not enjoying it. In fact, I really don't like it. I know I am not alone, especially after reading the amazingly honest posts from Marissa at Parenthetical Three. She rocks.
Like, why can't I help carry our new couch up three flights of stairs to our apartment? Just a few weeks ago, I would have gladly done it. Now, we have to get movers or pay someone to help carry it up. What a waste of money.
What's worse, my lack of excitement makes it really hard to envision the cute cuddly fingers and toes that I'll be kissing by the end of they year. Seriously, how do women survive 9 months of pregnancy? Let alone do this again (and again)? I fear hating this pregnancy all the way through. I also fear that disliking pregnancy will cause some sort of chemical imbalance that will impact Baby Jaws for the rest of his life. Irrational, yes? But I don't really feel rational any more.
The worst, when I forget I am pregnant. When I am able to have a great lunch with my unsuspecting co-workers and not once remember that I am pregnant. (BTW, the nauseousness only really seems to go away when I am eating.) But when I forget for those few moments, I end up feeling guilty that I felt normal and regular for a little bit. And then I feel extra bad for forgetting about my little Jaws. Am I going to be a forgetful mother?
The absolute worst, when other people get really excited for you, but you are too tired or feel too sick to be excited back. This has mainly happened with family. My sister is soooo excited. She's even planning on keeping her son's crib in their spare room so we can bring Jaws over whenever. Yet really, when she says these things, I start to get terrified and feel like I have an alien growing inside me.
Whew. So that's why I feel like a Mom-to-Be sham. I am terrified. But I guess that's why I have 32 more weeks to get used to the idea and stop being so scared. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I am sure tomorrow I will feel much better and feel overwhelmed with love and excitement about my pregnancy. One can at least hope, right?